Perpetually Bad Days & Satisfaction

You know those perpetually bad days? The ones where you’re like okay, at what point am I going to wake up and this will all have been a bad dream, but you pinch yourself and it hurts?

I am writing this from a collision repair center (because yes, I wrecked my car), starving and munching on a blessed protein bar I just found in my purse, because I lost my ID so couldn’t get food at school.  I have a test in 2 hours I have barely studied for, oh and did I mention it’s a rainy Monday around 25 degrees?

I am in a group right now that’s studying the most misquoted passages in scripture. Yesterday, we talked about “God won’t give you more than you can bear!” and recently discussed how God’s plans are “to prosper you” and to “give you hope”.. and I’m over here with more than I can bear, not feeling like I’m prospering, at all. And hope? lol.

So I’m just reminded again that this is where the rubber meets the road.  It feels so good to stand up on Sunday morning and say those “truths” that make you feel so good, so resilient, so courageous, but then on Monday when you’re hungry, tired, unprepared, and without a car, they seem really really dim, and actually not true at all.

So why do we love this? Why do we love little cliches that make us feel better but sting when we’re really hurting?

And I’m reminded of how we so love to fill ourselves with other things that actually don’t help us at all.  The Lord has been really convicting me and refining me of finding my satisfaction in anything other than Him.  He’s been really nailing into the ground just how futile that is, TRUST me.  And it hurts and it’s hard and I’ve cried a lot in the last week, but He’s been faithful before and He’ll be faithful again.

I recently read an analogy of how sometimes when we’re asleep we dream that we are eating, yet when we wake up, we are still hungry.  This is because we hunger for REAL, physical food, not just this dreamt food with no sustenance, no nutrients.  In the same way our souls HUNGER for the things of The Lord.  We long for His delight, His intimacy, His truth, His righteousness, His Body, His bride, yet I am so guilty of trying to find my satisfaction in all too many other things that I can even begin to form a list.

Also, I think of how we thirst.  I remember when I was younger there was a time when I hated the taste of water (first world probs, right?!).  I would be so thirsty but walk to the fridge and drink a soft drink or eat grapes or do anything possible to not have to taste water, but I would still be so thirsty!  In the same way, my soul, our souls as believers thirst so deeply for our Redeemer, our Living Water.  And The Lord is gracious to never allow an idol satisfy us.  He is jealous for us and will let nothing nourish us, replenish us, renew us, cleanse us but Himself, because He knows He is best for us.

So, I’m going to go study for a test.  I’m going to go get a latte and potentially cry a little to a sweet friend on the way.  But most importantly, know that I know that Jesus will meet every need.  Rest in His satisfaction, and stop wasting my time seeking any other thing!